An Akatsuki play
by TheseLumps45
Summary: "Anyways due to the excessive amount of money spent on unneccasary items we will be preforming a play to raise money," Kakuzu explained.


**Hello, it's my Lumpy, i haven't written in a looooong time so don't expect this to be awesome,like any of my work is awesome, anyways this is my first time writing for the Naruto archive so if you got something to flame go bitch somewhere else.**

**OWTS**

* * *

"How do we always manage to lose money?!" groaned Kakuzu as he sat with his head in his hands staring at the paper before him.

"It's those damn uhauls," Kakuzu growled.

"Itachi it's completely unnecessary for your dumb doll to have that much space," Kakuzu informed the man gesturing to the large space that was only occupied by a sasuke doll.

"Sasuke is not a dumb doll and he definitely needs all the space, he doesn't like sharing," Itachi oanswered calmly, but Kakuzu could hear the venom coating his voice.

"Kakuzu let's just get another Uhaul," Kisame suggested not wanting to unleash his partners wrath. He placed his hands on Kakuzu shoulders in an attempt to steer him in a different direction,

Kakuzu looked disgustedly at the hand perched on his shoulder. Kisame got the message and quickly removed his hands.

"Fine,"  
"Damn Itachi and his creeper toys," Kakuzu cursed under his breath.

The bounty hunter pulled out his laptop and logged on to his private accouant. The whole Akatsuki shared one computer because Kakuzu was to cheap and stubborn to buy everyone their own private computer. So for privacy purposes everyone had their own log in and password.

Nobody knew anybody's information accept Tobi's. Everyone knew Tobi's because the blunderhead let the information leak out on a daily basis. Some times some of the more immature members of the Akatsuki, namely Kisame and Hidan, would prank Tobi and delete his files. Yet the idiot would always wonder who did it. Tobi was a mystery.

Anyways, after Kakuzu opened up a browser he typed in the search box: Fast ways to make money. After 5 or so minutes of loading the page finally appeared with hundreds upon thousands of results. Kakuzu in a hurry clicked the first option.

The page that popped up listed 10 ways to make money fast.

1. Become a prositute

Kakuzu temporarily considered the suggestion before becoming reasonable and shrugging it off.

But we could make some good money off it i mean we could have Itachi do it, he has the body of a woman, he would probably do it if we mentioned it would help Sasuke, Suggested an irrational part of Kakuzu's head.

Shut up!, Kakuzu grumbled to that part of his head.

Kakuzu skimmed through the list and found something simple enough and it could be fun for the group.

Oh who cares about having fun i'm gonna get money, Kakuzu thought greedily.

Throughout the whole week Kakuzu worked on his idea whenever he wasn't on a mission.

That saturday the aforementioned man called a meeting. The members hesitantly and curiously crowded into the Akatsuki's living room.

"Knowing Kakuzu he'll probably make us sell our organs so we get some few extra bucks," Pein muttered to Konan as they sat next to each other on the small couch.

"And who said he could call meetings anyways, i'm the leader," Pein grumbled.

Konan rolled her eyes and chuckled at how right Pein was.

Kakuzu stepped onto the coffee table but before he could utter a single syllable he was intureppted.  
"BOOOOOO!," Hidan yelled from his place on the other side of the couch.

Kakuzu glared at his 'comrade' before trying to voice his news only to once again be precluded by the same albino.

"BORING!" Hidan yelled once more.

"I'll fucking kill you," Kakuzu threatend though he knew it was an empty threat due to the albino being immortal.

Kisame put a hand over Hidan's mouth before signaling Kakuzu to continue.

"Anyways due to the excessive amount of money spent on unneccasary items we will be preforming a play to raise money," Kakuzu explained.

"Nobody is allowed to protest unless you want to pay back all the money the Akatsuki spent," Kakuzu quickly added as he had saw he comrades about to voice their complaints.

"Come collect your scripts here," Kakuzu said gesturing towards the pile of neatly stapled papers.

Hidan was the first one to reach the table the Kakuzu had previously been standing upon. The albino picked up the first one the pile which just happened to be his.

On the script was his role and his lines.

"I hate it!" Hidan yelled throwing the script to the ground and stalking off.

Tobi curisoly looked towards the fallen script and chuckled to himself at the part Hidan had been assigned.

Role: Girl #2

* * *

"Okay let's rehearse the scene between Itachi and Tobi," Kakuzu ordered motioning for the two Uchiha's to stand before him.

"You can't clay here," Tobi said in a child's voice.

"Cut!" Kakuzu yelled causing Itachi to flinch slightly.

"You can't play here Tobi," Kakuzu said gesturing towards the script on his lap.

"I can't play where?!" Tobi exclamied worried.

"That's your line Tobi," Kakuzu sighed becoming frustrated.

"What line?!" Tobi asked confused.

"This line" Tobi held up a blank sheet of paper save for the long black line splitting it in half.

Kakuzu took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself before he did something he would regret.

* * *

"Come Sasori it's time for you to practice your lines," Kakuzu ordered after he had dismissed the male Uchiha's and had a large glass of water.

Sasori sighed irritated but obliged.

"Everyone's happy now...let's go get some icecream," Sasori recited in a bored tone.

"Cut!," Kakuzu said stoping the puppetmaster, "Sasori you need to get in charchter,"

"I don't wanna fucking do this! We should be trying to capture the Jinchuuriki but no-" Sasori ranted,"Hey Pein get your hands off,"

Pein ignored the red-heads demands and continued to drag him away.

* * *

"Tobi, Itachi let's try your lines again,"

"You can't clay here!" Tobi said once again mucking it up.

"It's not clay," Kakuzu said calmly trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Clay, what clay?," Tobi asked sounding genuinely confused

"Your line is not clay," Kakuzu said irritated.

"I know my line is straight," Tobi said as if it were obvious.

"Let's just try again," Kakuzu said twitching slightly.

"You can't eat here,"

Kakuzu threw down the script and ran towards Tobi prepared to kill the masked man.

* * *

"Oh my hamanaha!, tonight is the opening night!" Tobi exclaimed excitedly whilst jumping up and down.

"Sasori jump with me," Tobi said grabbing the red heads hands.

"No!" Sasori said trying to stop the persistent man from jumping.

The Uchiha still jumped with the Akasuna anyways.

**Opening night**

"Ugh I can't believe you dragged me here," Sasuke complained to the Kyuubi keeper,Naruto.

"But this is gonna be so much fun," Naruto insisted removing tape from the youngest Uchiha.

Sasuke rolled his eyes before peering at the cast board that listed the actors and actresses performing in the play.

"Eww Itachi's in this play get me out of here," Sasuke said heading for the door.

Naruto yanked the disgusted Uchiha back into the play area and plopped him down into a seat in the back row.

The lights dimmed and a spotlight fell on the stage. Soon two actors appeared on the stage, one with an orange mask also wearing a t-shirt, shorts and a bright red pair of suspenders. The other one had on a short green dress and tattered red converse sneakers.

"You can't clay here," Tobi recited

"It's because i have better Sharigan than you right?!," Itachi said having completly forgotten his lines.

"Itachi that's not in the script," Tobi said somehow remembering the latter Uchiha's lines but not his own.

"My name is Shirley." Itachi exclamied offended.

"His name is girl # 1," Kakuzu whispered to Kisame.

"Thanks a lot Kakuzu, thanks for making me feel special," Itachi said sarcastically.

Then chaos struck.

"I'm really a man, who wants to comform to Jashinisim?!" Hidan yelled ripping off his wig.

"It's Tobi time," Tobi sang as he danced around the stage.

"Rise my puppets, eat the audience," Sasori yelled using his chakra strings to make his puppets move towards the now terrified audience.

"So much paper!" Konan said sitting in a pile of paper in a storage closet.

"Come back Sasuke," Itachi yelled while chasing Sasuke.

"Get away from me!" Sasuke yelled semi-terrified.

"Come on get in," Pein grunted trying to shove Naruto into a sack so he could drag him back to the base.

"Running with the rainbow unicorns, don't you wish you were me," Kisame sang backstage.

"Let's bomb this bitch!," Deidara shouted throwing bombs all over the place.

"Why?!," Kakuzu cried head in his hands.

* * *

"One..two...Twelve?!" Kakuzu hollered throwning the money onto the coffee table,"We only made twelve dollars?!"

"I want some pie or cake, maybe even pancakes," Tobi said at the same time as Kakuzu was crying and wheeping about the small amount of money they made from the play.

* * *

**hope you enjoyed my random attempts at comedy so yeah. Review because if you don't i will find you**

***eyes widen***

**O.O**

**TheseLumps45**


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